[.ca] We Can Work It Out (ISBN 0399521372)

What I Didn't Learn In College:
Out of desperation, I pulled this book out of my closet when my boyfriend and I started arguing uncontrollably at the two-year mark of our relationship. When I bought this book, it was for a course I took in Psychology at the Catholic University of America, not surprisingly. Dr. Notarius is a professor there. At the time, I was busy sailing through college without reading most of the required reading, and I didn't bother to read this book either. I am so sorry that I didn't! It has been such a big help to us, not only in communication but also in finding out what is motiving our relationship anger. It has been a real eye-opener and a great tool we have used to "stop the fighting!" as we call it. We know our relationship is heading towards marriage, and we both want to work this out now so we know we can have a happy future together later. While this book is focused mainly on married couples, it applies to all other couples as well - as long as they are committed to each other. So don't be scared off by the title!

A Must-Read for all:
Simple solutions based on actual research. Amazing! Gives insight into communication between any two people regardless of their relationship. (The rules of politeness are ones we should all use more often with everyone.) Contains a lot of information in just a few hundred pages, so you get your money's worth. Purchase if you want to do any of the following: (1) assess your relationship and evaluate your happiness (2) determine where you may be going wrong in your relationship and why (3) find useful ways to improve happiness, communication and intimacy in your relationship. For more high-yield information about relationships and improving them I also recommend Make Up, Don't Break Up by Bonnie Eaker Weil and How One of You Can Bring The Two of You Together by Susan Page

Research-proven approach to resolving conflict:
The key to this book is that these aren't just some college professors with their feet on the desk and a pencil in their mouths coming up with some theory about how marriages should work. These are researchers who have observed relationships that do and don't work and have summarized the differences in them - specifically, that happy, healthy relationships are those where conflict is resolved in a constructive way. They then go on to detail exactly how that occurs. This lends an air of credibility to a field where it is sorely needed. I have found this book extremely helpful in my own life, and I have recommended it to many, many people; both friends and patients. It's by far the best book on how to make a relationship successful that I've ever found.

It has changed me!:
My husband and I have never been very good communicators. I get frustrated because he is the type of person to hold things in and although I am not as bad, I have a tendency to do this as well. But once there is a serious issue on the table I am ready to talk. By then he is totally closed off. This makes me angry and frustrated. This book has really helped me with my anger and frustration and has shown me better ways to deal with issues. I highly recommend it!

Excellent resource for learning to communicate:
Not a bunch of fluff, nor "getting in touch with the inner child". Solid, realistic and fair. This is the first resource to actually work for my marriage. After several rounds of live counseling, we had almost given up, but this book reassured us both of the fact that conflict is very common and can be resolved, appropriately. We have learned many new skills and how to apply them to our marriage.