The Myth of Self-esteem: How Rational Emotive Behavior ... (ISBN 1591023548)

Book Description:
Many psychologists preach the importance of self-esteem, but on closer analysis the meaning of self-esteem often amounts to little more than basing our sense of self-worth on the success of our achievements or relationships. In this insightful exploration of true self-acceptance, Albert Ellis criticizes the traditional definition of self-esteem, calling it conditional self-acceptance—i.e., we feel good about ourselves only on condition that we fulfill certain ambitions and personal desires. Ellis proposes instead Unconditional Self-Acceptance (U.S.A.)—learning to appreciate our unique personalities no matter what good or bad actions we do or how successful our relationships turn out to be. This more realistic approach, Ellis points out, helps us to avoid the common pitfall of failing to live up to our (often unrealistic) expectations and the consequent feelings of self-denigration, low esteem, and depression, which impede our ability to tackle life's challenges. Ellis provides a historical review of the concepts of self-esteem and self-acceptance, examining the thinking of great religious teachers, philosophers, and psychologists—including Lao Tsu, Jesus, Spinoza, Nietzsche, Kierkegaard, Buber, Heidegger, Sartre, Tillich, D.T. Suzuki, the Dalai Lama, Carl Rogers, and Nathaniel Branden, among others. He then provides exercises for training oneself to change self-defeating habits to the healthy, positive approach of self-acceptance. These include specific thinking techniques as well as emotive and behavioral exercises. He concludes by stressing that unconditional self-acceptance is the basis for establishing healthy relationships with others, through Unconditional Other-Acceptance (UOA) and a total philosophy of life anchored in Unconditional Life-Acceptance (ULA).

The mantra of "Self Esteem":
Albert Ellis performs a valuable service with this book. The mantra of "Self Esteem" has indeed become pervasive in today's society, but not due to Dr. Ellis. We are told that some children don't do well in school because they suffer from "low self-esteem," that people commit crimes for the same reason, and that if we can only figure out how to universally raise people's self esteem, all societal problems will vanish. Last night I was reading the old book "Do What You Love, the Money Will Follow" (not written by Dr. Ellis). Good title, but by the second chapter, the author starts implying that if we're not in work we love, it must be because we suffer from (you guessed it) "low self-esteem." The rest of the book is devoted to telling us how we can supposedly "raise" it. Ellis' point is that "self-esteem" is NOT the root cause of all mental problems, contrary to what many self-help "experts" tell us. In fact, "self-esteem" can even be counter-productive. If you have high self-esteem, for example, you may think that you "deserve" to be happy, satisfied and fulfilled no matter what job you have or what circumstances you are in. Dr. Ellis' point is that we must get away from obsessing over "self-esteem," both as individuals and as a society, and start dealing with the real false beliefs that cause us distress. This book is not so much about not trying to achieve significant things in life as it is about not blaming ourselves when we fail, as we occasionally will.

WHAT myth?:
This is my opinion: I'm not sure how this man gets away with implying that he is debunking a myth. Contrary to statements in the book, psychologists have told us for DECADES (largely to Mr. Ellis' own influence) that it ISN'T true that our worth as human beings is related to our accomplishments in life. Dr. Ellis, you can't debunk something that has already been debunked, so just stop it! Perhaps if you had published this book about 30 years earlier, it could have been called debunking, but certainly not now. I think the main reason he did what he did is that he needed an eye-catching title. In spite of the fact that ideas of unconditional self-acceptance have permeated our culture, it doesn't seem to be doing us much good, and so now we have a tidal wave going in the reverse direction. People are beginning to see the illogic in it. Notice that there are many psychologists who tell us that we are o.k. just who we are, while at the same time they are endlessly striving for bigger, more influential roles in society. They are intelligent, witty, and insightful, make good money, wear nice clothes and dine in classy restaurants. I am not necessarily calling it hypocrisy, but I WOULD call it denial. The next time your psychologist tells you that you are worthy of love and friendship, ask him or her ,"Oh, really? Do you love me? How about dinner and a movie tomorrow night?" or "Great. My other friends and I are getting together for the game tomorrow night. My apartment is tiny and in a bad part of town, but we would like it very much if you would come. Can you make it?" Without a long list of accomplishments, maybe you can learn to like or even admire yourself, but your psychologist certainly doesn't have to. I am not saying that thoughts of unconditional self-acceptance cannot help sustain us during the more difficult times of our lives, but I don't think that this way can sustain us forever. Man cannot live on bread alone. Some people do appear to like themselves, even when their list of accomplishments is quite small - unless you would call social skills an accomplishment. Being able to relate well to people is an ability that not all of us have, and those of us who do have it seem to weather the storms better than those who don't. I think that Dr. Ellis' ideas have some value, but I am not sure how much. From all appearances, his ideas have helped some people, although I think most of those who were "helped" were those whose lives were fairly normal and who just needed some help getting over the humps. The author can talk a good game, but for me it just doesn't hold water. You can try to change human nature, but it usually doesn't work.

Just what is self-esteem?:
Just what is self-esteem? Many believe we must have it; but here's a famous psychologist to say it's all a myth, and he bases his contention on the thoughts of some of the finest religious thinkers and philosophers of our times. Instead Albert Ellis in THE MYTH OF SELF-ESTEEM (1591023548 ) explains his Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy as an alternative to achieve unconditional self-acceptance, using exercises which promote such acceptance over the more commonly held self-esteem.

USA and self esteem are the same thing:
Though I have great respect for Dr. Ellis, he totally blows it with his title. His description of Unconditional Self Acceptance IS self esteem. What he calls USA is what shrinks call self esteem! There is a mistaken definition of esteem based on accomplishment, this is not now and has never been self esteem!!!!! Try the Self-Esteem Game, it proves my point. PS what he calls self esteem I call narcissism. That said, I only disagree with his terminology, not his theory.